First Days Are The Worst | DR

I’ve found the first day of all of my trips to be the worst. It’s a day filled with anxiety, fear, excitement, loneliness, and the unknown. I was sitting on the  couch listening to the background chatter of two employees as they cooked and realized I wanted to go home. But as I thought more about it, home had no place for me at this time and only here would I be finding what I truly need.

Answers. I need answers. 

I’ve been asking myself a million and one questions which have no concrete answer. They only leave me going in circles. The questions include what do I want? What level of happiness do I need in order to do my job well? What conveniences am I willing to give up? Do I want to be a missionary or mission centered? Where am I called to live? What is the bigger plan out there for me? Answers. I need them.

Costa Rica left me questioning a great deal. It pushed me to think about life, and my life in particular, in ways I never had before. I know I don’t need to conclude anything right away but it is senior year now and graduation is approaching so having some idea of my life afterwards is comforting. I’m looking for answers so I came to the beautifully hot and bug infested country of the Dominican Republic. 

I wanted to come here so I could work in a rehabilitation center for girls rescued from sex trafficking. I also needed to see what another Latin American country was going to be like. The final reason I’m here is to discover if this is the work I want to do for a good portion of my life or if I think I’m called to something else. I’ve been very dogmatic in the past about what I want and what I will do that it’s left me no room to change my mind. Whether I or anyone else likes it, I’ve decided to  bulldoze a path so I have the ability to freely decide something contrary to what I might have previously said. My heart is pulled in a great number of directions. This summer is the perfect time to start sorting through all of that. These next two months in the DR are for answers and service. 

The first day is always the worst. You realize how far away you are from everyone you truly love. Then, over time, you hope and pray that you no longer become far away because you have fallen in love exactly where you are.