With, For, In Love

Dear Men, Hello, I am a woman. Thank you for noticing. When I was walking down the street I forgot I was a woman so it was honestly very kind of you to remind me. I'm a pretty woman you say. Wow, thank you. In fact, for your kindness I'm going to drop everything and come over and talk to you immediately. You want my phone number? Here it is. You want to take me out? Let's go. I'm nothing but a woman desperately wanting to be noticed by every man on the street so thank you for fulfilling my deepest desires. When I would walk down the streets in Costa Rica I often was called at. I discovered it had a little something to do with the fact that I was a gringa with blonde hair. A prize if you will. I could be walking alone, riding my bike, walking with my boyfriend, or walking with friends. It didn't matter. I was going to be called at. It wasn't a nice compliment or a simple hello. It was laden with alternative thoughts and motives. I never felt better after the...

I was panicking. I needed to quiet my mind and open my heart.  Some mornings I have to take a deep breath and just be. It’s hard to do that when I’m thinking of a million things at once. Often my mind is running through topics like what makes me fulfilled, where do I want to work, and am I making a genuine difference ? I realized one day that I was looking at my work all wrong. No wonder I was having daily freak outs.  It can be easy to lose sight of why you started to do something in the first place. You become overwhelmed with daily tasks or the mundane in an activity that it doesn’t seem to hold much value to you anymore. I quickly realized in my stay here that I do not think I want to do this type of work anymore. Though very noble and much needed, I’m not cut out to raise teenagers for a living and to make minute and significant decisions about their lives which can affect them forever. It’s simply not where my strengths and talents lie. Of course I also panicked...

I’ve found the first day of all of my trips to be the worst. It’s a day filled with anxiety, fear, excitement, loneliness, and the unknown. I was sitting on the  couch listening to the background chatter of two employees as they cooked and realized I wanted to go home. But as I thought more about it, home had no place for me at this time and only here would I be finding what I truly need. Answers. I need answers.  I’ve been asking myself a million and one questions which have no concrete answer. They only leave me going in circles. The questions include what do I want? What level of happiness do I need in order to do my job well? What conveniences am I willing to give up? Do I want to be a missionary or mission centered? Where am I called to live? What is the bigger plan out there for me? Answers. I need them. Costa Rica left me questioning a great deal. It pushed me to think about life, and my life in particular, in ways I never had before. I know I don’t nee...