To Look But Not See | Vietnam

"Are you okay? I mean really okay?

"I don't know."

If there's one thing I can rely on it's a list. I make lists for school, work, my life, the grocery store, and for my days off. It brings me comfort. Of course I made a list for Vietnam as well. On multiple pieces of paper and on several occasions. So when I arrived to Vietnam, I started following my list because it made me feel comfortable in a foreign environment. And I completed everything on there (except for getting a job). We found an apartment. We bought dishes, a fan, and a water jug. We found a gym. We found a market and a place to buy other goods. I moved all of my 50 pound suitcases into the apartment. I started class for my certificate. And James rented a motorbike. I checked it all off.

But as the days went on I didn't seem to be very happy. It didn't occur to me that in completing my list and ensuring that within 7 days I did everything I needed to that I'd actually be missing out tremendously. Until I was asked if I was okay I hadn't considered the question. I was simply doing what needed to be done without much thought. I was on auto-pilot. In some instances you need to be. But moving to a new country is not one of those instances. I wasn't taking in the smells, the sounds, the smiles, the language, or the culture. I was just doing. I lost sight of why I moved in the first place.

I've been so consumed and overwhelmed with my 9-5 class and learning how to be a teacher that I've forgotten why I'm here. It's to feel truly alive again. Vietnam is very different. People are extremely community oriented which is clearly displayed at a pho place on the street. There are several small tables and stools that were definitely made for a 3 year-old. People sit together and talk or just eat. But they're together. When you drive a motorbike you never look behind you. You only look in front and you beep to let people know you're passing them so they don't swerve into you. I think that beautifully sums up their collectivist culture in that they look out for each other, even on the roads. I wasn't paying attention to any of this.

Yesterday I drove an automatic motorbike for the first time in my life. We drove over 150 km (roughly 100 miles) to the Perfume Pagoda but it was too late when we got there so we turned around and drove home. Even though we didn't see what we came for, we saw these gorgeous mountains surrounded by lotus and rice fields. It was unlike anything I had ever seen before. I stopped my motorbike and took pictures. I wanted to really see. To take in the breathtaking landscape and just be in the presence of such beauty.

I've been on autopilot with finishing school, finishing my senior thesis, studying for the LSAT, and moving. I think it was easier than taking it all in. However, I'm tired of looking and not seeing. I'm tired of not being present. I'm tired of not seeing the mountains and the flowers. Luckily, I think Vietnam is the perfect place to wake me up.